Fish Fam

Late last summer I became an empty nester for the second time. Since I had already “been there done that” before, this time I felt ready to embrace the next season in my life. I hadn’t exactly enjoyed the first go-around, as I’m sure any parent who’s had their kids fly the coop can relate to. I wasn’t completely alone at the time however; my daughter’s dog Jasper stayed home and kept me company, which helped somewhat to soften the blow. This time around though, my daughter got an apartment and Jasper went with her. It was the best scenario for both of them really and I was happy for the selfish little bastards.

While I’d love to get another dog, I travel frequently for work and would have to board it a couple nights a week. Don’t wanna do that. And even though I’m not really a cat person, I gave some thought to having a feline meowing all over the place. No need to board a cat! After weighing the pros and cons though, I scrapped the idea and decided to jump into the frenzied fray of fish ownership.

For the first time at a pet store, I found myself comparing and contrasting some aquariums. I liked the idea of a having a large, 50 or 75-gallon tank that requires a stand. Going big always seems like a good idea to us cavedudes, at least at first. Considering the size of my place though and where I’d want my tank to be so that I could easily see the fishies, initially I decided on a “starter aquarium”….a small, 5-gallon rectangular thing that came with L.E.D. lighting and such. As is custom when getting a new aquarium, you have to condition the water and let it circulate through the filter for a coupla days prior to populating. I got home, set everything up….and was immediately underwhelmed.

It just looked so damn small, and it looked like a toy. What self-respecting guy can be ok with this? Not only was it small, it just looked plain boring. My future fish deserved better dammit. I took it back and swapped it for a bigger, half-dome looking thing. It’s twice as big at 10-gallons, taller, and I instantly liked the vibe. During the waiting period before I could get some fish, I found myself already enjoying it. With the L.E.D. lighting and decor in it, it kinda takes on a lava-lamp look and feel. YEAH Baby!

I was stoked to go back to the pet store and pick out my new roomies. I wanted to get a good variety of shapes and colors, but didn’t want too many – wanted ’em to have enough room to just chill. I ended up getting 6 lil fishies – a couple of tiny dudes, a couple of medium sized dudes and a couple of bigger ones. And of course, being the loving fish dad that I am, I had to name ’em. Duh! The smallest ones are pretty much twins so they became Frick and Frack. One of the medium ones is orange and black like my SF Giants, so he’s Buster (as in Posey). The other medium sized dude became Jack. I mean, who hasn’t always wanted a fish named Jack? Of the larger ones, one was green so he became Shamrock, and the largest one in the tank is a beautiful pink-ish girl. She rules the waters, she’s the biggest, she’s the queen. She was born to be Latifah.

I figgered we’d all live happily ever-after, but came home from a work trip a while back and discovered that Shamrock was just gone without a trace. Wtf! I thought about hiring Ace Ventura the pet detective, but he’s let fame go to his head and his fees are astronomical these days. So I did the next best thing. After the proper mourning period of Shamrock’s loss, I went out and found a beautiful purply fishy dude to round out the fish fam. So far, Prince is still alive and kicking….errr….swimming.

The pet store peeps told me to just feed ’em every three days. “They’re small and have tiny stomachs and that’s really all they need.” Really? Ok, you guys are the experts. For the first few weeks, the little swimmers were on the PetSmart 3-day diet. I’d come home from a long day at work, have an adult beverage and sometimes would just gaze at them for long periods of time. There’s something very relaxing about watching ’em swim and wiggle around, it’s hard to explain but it’s just true. But there would be times when they seemed to be looking right through me, as if to say “we’re in here swimming around for your lonely-ass empty-nest pleasure and you seriously think it’s ok to have us on this starvation diet?” And ya know, they were right. I mean…how’s the quality of life for fish in a tank? There’s only so much they can do / see in there. Seems kinda boring really! Not to mention that the average life span is only 18 months or so to begin with. Screw the experts. My fish chow down every day and now enjoy breakfast, lunch and dinner. Ok not really, but I do feed ’em once a day. Smaller portions than the 3-day diet, but hey….I gotta keep the kiddos happy – we’re family after all.